she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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