Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
