my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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