I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
