I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
