I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Is Oprah even human
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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