i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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