Got a toothbrush?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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