if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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