so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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