I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
