My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Someone signed my nipple.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
