around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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