If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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