She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
