it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm just crazy horny about you
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
