Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
