fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
