How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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