Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We had to coat check the pizza.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I supernannyed him into submission
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
