I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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