My room smells like vodka and shame
420 ftw
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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