i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
