just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
