It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I understand Curling. That high.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
What a dumb baby whore.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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