Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
