Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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