I can't watch pbs sober anymore
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
