I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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