So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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