it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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