She said her name was "party"
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
