yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
