Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Your dad touched me again.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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