she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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