She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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