The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
