You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
