The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
