He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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