can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
