Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
