Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
