What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
