I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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