Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
