I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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