a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize