and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
