i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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