Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
