she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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