One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
