Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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